Smiling

I wonder if there is any direction?

Can anyone be direct?

Or is it all... misdirection?

Where do you go?

When you are in the middle of nowhere...

Drift into darkness?

Towards the light?

Assuming there is some.

Existence.

What is there to ponder if there is none?

What is there to think about,

When there is no thought?

Where is meaning when all is without meaning?

Where is the judgment when all is relative?

Solitary confinement,

In the prison of my thoughts.

They keep me out,

Out of the box.

My thoughts wont let me back in,

They wont allow me to return,

Yet alone.

Imprisoned by my intellectual freedom.

I smile at the thought.

"Why is the world like this?" I laugh to myself.

"Rather, why does the very nature of existence seem so contradictory?"

Maybe it is all a joke.

Maybe it all begins and ends with laughter.

In the beginning there was the "ha"

Like walking into an extravagant hotel and paying top-dollar for their best room...

A 4 by 5 closet.

Or watching an entire football team climb out of a mini cooper...

None of this makes sense...

And I think...

I'm ok with that.

*smiling*

Turn for the Worst

I miss the luxury of enduring her smirk,
Confident in all the magic she worked.

Conversation, serene.
Expected to wake from dream.
But reality was all it seemed.

My present was the best,
As I planned for the very worst,

I wish you hadda told me first,

Before I assumed otherwise,
And doomed 'us' to our demise,

Is this my lesson or my fate?
Angel of Death,
Standing at my love's gate.

Not to kill me, and neither you.
Only what could have been,

Here lies True.

Quiet in the Night; Light in the Darkness

But now I'm not with you,
Do you still care?
Looking through your pictures,
Do you still stare?

Telling myself 'moving on is all that I can do'.
Then again, I still don't understand you.

You make me write when I have the words.
Of the days, we shared the same soul urge.

I wish it was 'happily ever after'.
I wonder did 'we' even matter.

Well clearly, it does to me, and secretly,
You're all that I want to see.

Melancholy,
Scared of unreciprocate,
Shuffling lies,
The truth always hits me late.

I long for you, and me to be,

In the cards.
What dreams may come to those chasing,
Shooting stars...

And what happens when you catch one?

Reminiscing on being within your hand's touch.

Or Maybe

Maybe it's hard to get by.
Or maybe it's just in my mind.
Keep my head in the clouds,
...just maybe I'll be fine.

The Trumpets Play At Night

Where are my horns?
I've been a bad boy,
So now I need a bad song...

Trumpets sound as the moonlight plays,
Strings floating to the moon lit way,

Lifted,
There's nothing left to say,

What do I need to say?
What is there to say?
When we talk without words.

Your lips are answering,
So I take it you heard.
I take it you heard.
I take it.

*Trumpets Playing*

I turn off the lights,
Cause to be real,
I don't need to see,
I just want to feel.

Biological warmth,
Fluid exchange.

Stop thinking so much, you're going insane.

Darkness and steam,
Dulls the eyes, Strengthens the senses.

Rub and squeeze between,
Warm water drops,
He swings and he misses,

You smile,
And exhale between sucking kisses.

You got my attention,
Now I'm listening.
And just like that you've gone,
This is my life's cruelest song.

My fingertips cant tickle your spine,
Because all of this, is in my mind.

You aren't here like I want you to be,
Because you actually aren't speaking to me.

I wonder should I swallow my pride,
And set a course to where you reside...

And the trumpets play...

On Purpose

Breathe,

The creator,
The innovator,
The originator,

I am.

Imagine,
Narrate.

The artist,
The dreamer.

I wonder if I am discovering,
Or if I am returning.

Gasping the wind, freeing it and guiding it.

Action moving the story forward/

Be the story,
Don't allow the story to be you...

Narrate your own life...

Create/originate the life you've always wanted...

...All without fear...
And complete control over one's self.

Creation face to face with creator...
The creation lives just as you do....

Everything, every word, pause, beat,...

Purpose,
On purpose

All live, all lives...

Fall of Me

I can't save you.
And you can't save me.
Just a fucked up kid,
Hiding behind a rock or tree.

I was born alone.
I don't know where I'll die.
But as long as I've lived,
I've lived a lie.

My memories are cursed,
With so much pain.
They remind me of what I'm not.
So much disdain.

I don't wish them away,
I want them to stay.
When I think about you,
I have so much to say.

Scared to be kissed,
Scared to be loved,
A murderers hand,
In a soft silk glove.

I just want to know why,
Why am I here?
Why all the pain?
Why all the fear?

So critical,
So judgmental,
All to protect myself,
But life is so simple.

How can I ascend,
The trivialities of men,
Can I cast the needless aside,
And finally begin?